Pastor Chris and Loraine's Blog

What Matters Most – Family 1. Create a regular “family time.”  Many major family–connected organisations today, from churches to government agencies, promote some kind of regular focused family time. People have begun to notice that when families don’t spend quality time together on a consistent basis, things begin to go wrong and fall apart.   In today’s Western society, creating time together as a family is a real challenge. There are so many distractions! Yet, it’s not that long ago, when having to make time to be together would have been considered ludicrous. But in this era, it takes a solid, proactive effort to gather the family in order to create even a little quality time together on a regular basis. There is great wisdom in making dinnertime a high family priority. It’s the natural time to talk and share, to provide emotional as well as physical nourishment for family members on a daily basis. 2. Create romance – date your mate. It’s been said that the most important thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. That’s because the health of a marriage affects everything else in the family. And the example and testimony of the marriage affects marriages and families for generations to come. In many people’s minds, dating before marriage was always a real occasion. However, dating each other after marriage is an absolute necessity. And when the pressures of life are overwhelming you it’s usually when you need it most!  Remember, with the pace of life generally, if you really want it to happen it’s going to take a concerted effort. You will have to become very proactive and determined. This wonderful renewing time together will significantly increase your sense of unity and shared purpose. And it will, make a significant difference to your ability to cope with family problems and give your children a healthy, happy anticipation of what a marriage relationship should be. 3. Create “one–on–one” times with parent and child. This may mean a short activity, such as going to eat, seeing a movie, going shopping or playing around. But it should always include parent chats.  Parent chats basically involve interaction around two questions: (a) What are you working on, or interested in? (b) What can I do to help? These questions accomplish some very important things. First, they imply that the child should working on or be involved in something. And second, they define the role of the parent: “I’m not your boss or dictator. I’m here to help.” 6. Create daily family worship time. Worshipping God together as a family will enrich the family by bringing unity in the spirit. And this is very powerful! Your worship time may include discussion and study around God’s word, or standing in agreement in prayer.  If you and your family were to spend just ten minutes together each day – reading, talking or praising – it will significantly impact on each of you. It will impact on the relationships between each member. It will impact on the way each member interacts with the other. It will impact on the way each member spends his/her individual time. 7. Create clear stewardships – areas of responsibilities. Who pays the bills in the family? Who takes out the garbage? Who does the dishes, makes the financial decisions, prepares the meals, plans the vacations, washes the clothes, or attends parent–teacher meetings? If you don’t talk these things over they can become a major source of discontent, smouldering resentment, or even conflict in the home. And try not to allow things to slip into traditional roles. Every family unit is unique because every family member is unique – with differing skills and abilities. Clear stewardships are very important when working with children. Tasks provide the perfect opportunity for quality parenting. By empowering children to accomplish tasks, you can teach them to work and to love work. You can help them to develop skills and qualities of character that will benefit them in whatever they do throughout their lives. You can also solidify your relationship with them as you work side by side. You can help them learn to contribute to the family and prepare them to better contribute to society as a whole.  All of this from little family chores! So how do you do it?  Here are some fundamental guidelines for you to follow: Invite your child to participate in decisions concerning what his/her chores or responsibilities will be. Involvement breeds commitment. A child is much more likely to stick with a task if it was his idea to take it on in the first place. Never take away the dignity of the responsibility by taking over and doing it yourself. Or by trying to get the child to do it your way exactly. Teach, train, help, love, encourage and correct where necessary... but don’t take over! Make sure the child understands what you are expecting of him/her before you hold them accountable for the results. Don’t assume the words “clean the living room” mean the same thing to your child as they do to you. Never “snoopervise.” Avoid the temptation to sneak in and correct midstream. Give your child the freedom to succeed – or fail (and take the consequences). Only then will the victory truly be the child’s. Give praise and celebrate the work done well – together. Encourage and express your joy in the child’s ability to do a job well. Instead of focusing on “accomplishing tasks through people,” focus on “building people through empowering them to accomplish tasks.”  This will have a huge impact on your long term results as a parent and as a leader. Remember – your contribution to your family, and especially your children, will determine God’s contribution to you. Chris Demetriou, 08/09/2010 0 Comments  |  Permalink What Matters Most – Family 3 Isaiah 40:11, “He will lead His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.” This paints a beautiful picture of Jesus – clearly revealing His great love and compassion for all believers. However, the main emphasis of this verse is on the way Jesus leads. He leads like a shepherd who’s primary concern is for the young – the innocent. Notice, the Good Shepherd gathers the lambs (the young children), and protects them by keeping them close to His heart, and in addition to this, He gently guides those with infants (the young mothers). Hence, we can safely assume that as a leader, Jesus is always very concerned about the young – the vulnerable. In the context of the family every member is a leader. Whether you are a husband, wife, parent, grandparent, son, daughter, niece, nephew, uncle, aunt, or cousin, there are other family members that you can influence. Therefore, your leadership style, and role within the family, is vitally important. And as you consider your function within the family, I recommend that you continuously think in terms of “family leadership” – in terms of your unique opportunity to influence and nurture those close to you. When you’ve learned to apply the correct leadership principles, you can contribute to creating a strong, joyful family. There is no greater legacy you can pass on than to have helped, or even equipped, other family members to fulfil their own family roles with excellence. You can have a generational effect on your family – this is awesome! While all family members have the opportunity to contribute in this way, I sincerely believe that the most important ingredient of a successful family is the leadership exercised by parents. Hence, family leadership – and especially leadership exercised by parents – is one of the defining activities of the human experience. Why? Because it powerfully shapes how the next generation sees family. And also, what they do and achieve in their current family and future families.  But remember, this is not only important to you, it’s of great importance to God, as He thinks generational. The bible mentions “children and their children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.” Proverbs 17:6 says, “Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.” In today’s society there are too many old men with no crowns (grand–children) and too many children without any glory (fathers). Everything hinges on leadership in the family. And the primary emphasis concerning family leadership is on parenting. Parents have four basic roles:    1. To provide the basic necessities of life – physical, social, emotional and spiritual (2 Corinthians 12:14).    2. To protect family members from physical, social and economical harm (Lamentations 2:19).    3. To nurture family members in love, kindness and generosity (Ephesians 6:4).    4. To teach family members the principles and values that empower them to have rich, rewarding relationships and joyful, fulfilling lives (Proverbs 22:6, Deuteronomy 6:7).   In two–parent homes, while one parent may take the prime responsibility for fulfilling one role/function or another, truly effective parents will fully support each other in their roles as equal partners. Note, government and function are different. There is a government structure in the home, ordained by God, as there is an ordained government in the Godhead – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit reveals Jesus, who in turn reveals the Father. The Father is “head” of the government in heaven. Likewise, within each family here on earth, the man is head of the home. This is not male ego, it is a theocracy. The man has been appointed by God to take full responsibility for the whole family in order to give an account. This is his family function! Therefore, the government structure in the home is totally reliant on responsibility and accountability, and not authority. The man’s function as “head” of the home does not make him any more important in God’s eyes. Each function/role within the family is of equal importance to God. Therefore there is equality in the family, but it is founded and grounded on each member’s designated role/function. And if you are a single parent this does not exclude you in any way. Single parents can proactively secure help from their close friends, extended family members, or the church community in fulfilling these essential roles/functions. If you are a single parent, you can be rest assured that God has already placed around you people who will support and assist you in your role as a parent. How can I be sure of this? Well, our opening scripture shows clearly that the Good Shepherd will protect and guide those with vulnerable children. God will always look for ways to take care of your child. But it’s up to you to give Him full and unrestricted access to the child’s life. Whatever role/function you may have as a family member, you should remind yourself that you are not there merely to help, but also to be helped. We must all learn to both give and receive in a family environment. Otherwise you will feel used. Now there are certain things that you can do to help yourself:    1. Create a family value system that you can rely on. By studying and acquiring knowledge of God’s word you will help to build a value system that you can totally rely on. One that you know is pleasing to God! The infallible word of God is powerful, it is active and alive, it’s sharper than any two–edged sword – penetrating to the dividing line of the soul and the spirit, and of the deepest parts of your nature – exposing and sifting and analysing the very thoughts and intents of your heart (Hebrews 4:12).    2. Create a family mission statement. One of the most effective family leadership activities is to create a sense of shared vision and values in the minds and hearts of all family members. And one of the best ways to do this is to create your own family mission statement. Having a clear family vision will propel you forward and cause many positive things to come to pass (Habakkuk 2:2-3). Having a family vision, and writing it down plainly, will serve to clarify the fundamental heart–set of your family. It will give you a sense of identity and purpose. And from that almost everything else in the family will flow. When there is no shared vision, family members are more likely to go their own separate ways – operating out of their individual values and agendas. But with a shared vision – when the family is of one heart and one mind – the situation is reversed. Family members tend to see and understand the supreme importance of the family. Each individual sees how his or her role helps to fulfil that shared purpose. They feel valued! But keep in mind: The way the family sees is at the root of what the family does and the results the family gets. OUR FAMILY MISSION To love each other… To help each other… To believe in each other… To wisely use our time, talents and resources to bless others… To pray together… To worship together… Forever. Chris Demetriou, 26/08/2010 0 Comments  |  Permalink What Matters Most - Family 2 Psalm 112:2, “His descendants will be mighty on earth, the generations of the upright will be blessed.” God wants you and your offspring to be mighty and blessed. There is no greater legacy you can pass on than to prepare your children for leadership and blessings than by helping them to fulfil their own family roles with excellence and joy. Research shows that children from strong, stable families are more likely to be successful and happy in every way - physically, mentally, spiritually, economically, and socially – and that those with a strong extended family support system (like church) are better able to effectively cope with the challenges of life. Note, single parents and the unmarried population don’t often describe themselves as being so happy and content with life as married couples. As we look at today’s disturbing family statistics, it’s easy to get discouraged. Therefore, we should look to God to find the solutions.  Consider the following:  Over the past 30 years… Teenage suicide has increased by almost 300% Out-of-wedlock births have increased more than 400% The divorce rate is up by more than 100% The percentage of single parent families has increased 300% Scholastic Aptitude Test scores among all students have dropped 73 points. In addition, the number one health problem for women today is domestic violence. Four million women were beaten by their partners in the US last year. And more and more children have no functioning fathers. One in three children go to bed each night in a home where his or her father does not live. Where are the fathers? And it is not only a secular problem. In 1 Corinthians 4:16 the apostle Paul said, “For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers.” But God has always had a plan for the family, and this extended family, and this plan is generational.  The father is the priest in the home and his role is like that of the Good Shepherd. [Read Psalm 23] He protects, nurtures, provides for, and restores. He is the “saviour” of the family! The father shines the love of God onto every member of the family. He doesn’t have to be right – but he must make right! How do you see your role as a family member?  Too often people do not see themselves as valuable and precious in a family environment – as having something significant to contribute. Men, many of you tend to see work as a place to contribute and home as a place to crash. You come home from work exhausted, and you somehow expect that everything should be in order. Everyone should be happy and you should be left to recuperate from the efforts of the day. When you’re faced with the impact of the realities that parenting is work, relationships take effort and maintaining cleanliness and order in the home is a significant task, it throws you off balance. It doesn’t meet you subconscious, unexamined expectation that somehow the huge benefits of quality home and family life will simply by there for you with little or no real investment on your part. And because that expectation is not met, you begin to blame and accuse and punish those around you in little ways. Someone once said, “No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man.” The law of contribution must operate in every family. Every member must be consciously contributing to the welfare of the other members. Everyone must see both work and home as avenues of contribution; this empowers you to move beyond competition and compromise by making work and home complimentary. It empowers you to recognise that the issue is not either/or, but and. It’s living and contributing in the unifying and encompassing whole of which work and home are both parts. Aligning with the principle of contribution also opens your eyes to ways in which you can contribute that will make a real difference. Whether you are a husband, wife, parent, grandparent, son, daughter, niece, nephew, uncle, aunt, or cousin, there are things you can do to make your family better. And they are usually those little things, the things that are so difficult or taxing or costly. Keep this in mind if you can, “Quality family life is never an accident; it is always an achievement.” The quality family is always the direct result of proactive effort and conscious investment in the relationships that matter most. I strongly recommend that you capture your vision of the spouse/parent/family member you want to be – in some way that is helpful for you. I also suggest that you then be brutally honest with yourself concerning what kind of family member you are. And remember the need to be both real and realistic. The only way to get where you want to be is to start where you are. So recognise the reality. Only then can you effectively chart a course that will get you from one place to another. And as you move along be sure to review your vision. Much success in life comes as a result of this simple strategy. You raise your sights to a mark and keep moving toward it. Even if you never fully reach it, by simply moving toward it as effectively as you can, you will diminish the distance and make a tremendous difference in the quality of everything you do along the way. The apostle Paul said this, “One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prise of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” [Philippians 3:13-14]. Fulfilling your vision for the family may take some time and some real effort on your part to press ahead. And you are going to have to forget those things which are behind; the old baggage in the past. Remember, “…one thing I do!” Do one thing at a time; take one step at a time; and keep the vision before you. Chris Demetriou, 09/08/2010 0 Comments  |  Permalink