Building a life of Purpose

How good are your Relationships?

Loving relationships fulfil the greatest commandment of all.

In Mark 12:29-31 Jesus said that the most important commandment is this… “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” And the second is equally important: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these. Note, the first and second commandments are a package deal. They are inseparable. Jesus calls them first and second but we can’t experience one without the other.

For years believers have tried to justify a separation. 1 John 4:20 says, “If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” Our horizontal relationships are an indicator of our vertical relationship. Our vertical relationship with God affects our horizontal relationships with each other. The only way for us to fulfil the greatest command is to get very serious about not only our relationship with God, but also our relationships with each other.

Loving relationships fulfil the great commission.

After the resurrection, Jesus charged His disciples with a task. It is commonly called “The Great Commission” Matthew 28:18-20 “Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth.
Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you.”

We are charged with the job of “making disciples”. This is a function of the church. Unfortunately, the church has often failed to realize that this great commission is a “relational command.” Disciples are made as we love people not criticize them. It is our love for each other, and for those we are trying to reach, that’s a testimony to both. Our love authenticates the Christian message. John 13:34-35 “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

The proof of our message is not in our arguments but in our relationships. It is genuine loving relationships that make the Gospel attractive. Why would anyone want to listen to a message about God’s love from a bunch of people who don’t get along? This is probably the biggest complaint from unchurched people - that so-called Christians are always fighting among themselves. Without love the great commission becomes the great omission.

Loving relationships fulfil the greatest virtue.

I Corinthians 13:13 - “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” The greatest virtue you can commit to developing in your life (according to God’s word) is the ability to love others.
To become a loving person is even more important than having great faith! How can that be possible? Colossians 3:14 - “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Here’s your answer. Love is the realm where all the other virtues should be experienced. Love is the glue that holds them all together. Love is the power behind everything else we do.

Love is like the hub of a wagon wheel. The spokes are all the other virtues that find their origin in love. What is kindness without love? Humility? Forgiveness? Without love we just go through the motions. It’s not real, genuine or authentic. Do you see the significance of love? We can blow a lot of things in this life and still be fine. But, if we blow this, we truly waste our lives. You can be the most successful person in the world, but without love, your life will amount to nothing.

So how do we apply this to our lives? How do we commit to developing this quality?

1.    We must commit to honesty in our relationships.

Romans 12:9 - “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them…” Being dishonest and fake is not a very loving thing. Putting on a false front or pretending to be interested and concerned when you’re really not, is how the world lives -not followers of Christ. If we are going to apply this value we’re going to have to stop pretending and start having a commitment to get real. There is power in authenticity!

How can we work at having loving relationships if we’re constantly pretending and being relationally dishonest with each other? It’s hard to get close to people who never share their struggles. Everything is always “fine”. There is such power in relationships that are transparent - where there is nothing to hide. And it is our commitment to love each other that promotes this type of honesty.

For many people the greatest thing they fear is being rejected; not being loved for who they are. But, the thing you crave the most won’t happen until you choose to be honest. May this church be a place where people can be honest, as they are being loved! It is in this type of relational environment where people’s lives really change.

2.    We must also commit to forgiveness in our relationships.

Colossians 3:13, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” How can we say we love people if we are unwilling to forgive them? If we are going to build our lives with loving relationships, we’re going to have to forgive those who have disappointed and wounded us.
Colossians tells us to “make allowances for each other’s faults”. What does this mean? It simply means that you don’t expect people to be perfect.

Part of experiencing loving relationships is having a built in understanding that people may disappoint you. Therefore, you make allowances for this fact. This isn’t about excusing wrong behaviour, it’s about forgiving wrong behaviour.

Forgiveness is just part of the relational package. This is what God did for us and constantly does for us. This is the true ‘Christ-like’ model. Remember, forgiveness is both a choice and a process. If we make the choice and commit to the process, God will give us the ability.

3.   We must commit to endure in our relationships.

I Corinthians 13:7, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” In western culture, relationships and people are disposable; but not in God’s Kingdom! To build our lives with loving relationships, we are going to have to commit to endure. We can’t just dispose of our friendships or marriages simply because we’re struggling and we’re not getting along. Or, we don’t like something they did, so they’re starting to get on my nerves. Love never gives up!

Often it is in those relationships which require more effort that God uses to mold and perfect our lives. Do you have people in your life that are difficult for you to endure loving them? And what relationships are you ready to throw away? Instead of discarding these people, can you hear God asking you to endure? It is in this choice where you and your relationships are transformed. You must learn to have “enduring love.”

How is all this possible, you may ask? The only way to love like this is through Christ. We can’t love like this in our own strength. If you are willing to give all of yourself, and your relationships to God, He will empower you to live this way. And this is how you build a life of purpose!

Chris Demetriou, 09/08/2009