The Paternal Need

There is a need in every human being to relate to life through the father, or a father figure, and this is called the “paternal need.” In Isaiah 40:11 it says this about the Lord, “He will lead His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.” Isaiah paints a beautiful picture of Jesus - clearly revealing His great love and compassion for all believers. However, the main emphasis of this verse is on the way Jesus leads. He leads like a shepherd (the father figure) whose primary concern is for the young - the innocent and vulnerable.

In the context of “family” the key leader is the father. His leadership manner, and role within the family, is vitally important. Hence, the leadership style exercised by a father is one of the defining activities of the human experience. Why? Because it powerfully shapes how the next generation sees family. And also, what they do and achieve in their current family and future families. But remember, this is not only important to us; it’s of great importance to God, as He thinks in terms of generations.

The bible mentions “our children and their children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.” Proverbs 17:6 says, “Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.” In today’s society there are too many old men with no crowns (no grandchildren) and too many children without any glory (no fathers). So what can be done?

Everything hinges on leadership in the family. And the primary emphasis concerning family leadership is on the father. The father has three primary responsibilities:

[1] To provide the basic necessities of life - physical, social, emotional and spiritual (2 Corinthians 12:14).

[2] To protect family members from physical, social and economical harm (Lamentations 2:19).

[3] To nurture family members in love, kindness and generosity (Ephesians 6:4).

In two-parent homes, while the father may take the prime responsibility for fulfilling the above roles or functions, truly effective leadership will require the full support of the wife as an equal partner in everything. Note, government and function in the home are different.

There is a distinct government structure in the home, ordained by God, as there is an ordained government in the Godhead - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit reveals Jesus, who in turn reveals the Father. The Father is “head” of the government in heaven. Likewise, within each family here on earth, the man (the father) is head of the home. This is not male-chauvinism or the male-ego in action, it is a theocratic structure.

The man has been appointed by God to take full responsibility for the whole family in order to give an account. This is his family function and it does not make him more important in God’s eyes.

Consequently, the government structure in the home is totally reliant on responsibility and accountability, and not authority. The man’s function as “head” of the home does not give him special privileges. Each function or role within the family is of equal importance to God. Therefore, there is equality in the family, but it’s founded and grounded on each member’s designated role or function. If you’re a single parent this does not exclude you in any way. Family duties can still be implemented.

Single parents can proactively secure help from their close friends, extended family members, or the church community in fulfilling these essential roles. If you are a single parent, you can be rest assured that God has already placed around you people who will support and assist you in your role as a parent. How can we be sure of this? Well, our opening scripture shows clearly that the Good Shepherd will protect and guide those with vulnerable children. God will always look for ways to take care of your child. But it’s up to you to give Him full and unrestricted access to the child’s life.

God is the Father from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named (Ephesians 3:15), and in essence your children belong to Him (Psalm 127:3). Our heavenly Father wishes to be part of every single-parent family. He wishes to satisfy the paternal need.

The “paternal need” is a basic human need to have intimacy with the very person who’s seed brought about your existence. This need must be satisfied if we are to avoid producing dysfunctional people.

In the opening verse of the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9), Jesus introduces us to God as the Father of all creation. However, “our Father”, more than anything, reveals a new note of familiarity with God Almighty. A connection between God and His creation founded on profound love but grounded in intimacy. It is a totally new kind of relationship between the Father and his child.

Romans 8:15 confirms this, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry ‘Abba, Father’.” The blessed Holy Spirit grants us subjective assurance that we are children of God. Abba is an Aramaic word for Father and it denotes intimate familiarity. It’s probably best translated daddy. Therefore when you pray, all your needs are met through the generosity and kindness of a loving Daddy.

Notice, the paternal need embraces mother, brother and sister. “Our” Father. When you became a Christian you became part of a worldwide family – the church. In Christ, everyone has the same Father. Ephesians 4:6 says, “One God and Father of all.”

Sadly, even though we can rely on God to fulfil the office of Father, this paternal role must also operate correctly in the physical realm. We are all in need of fathers! The apostle Paul said, “After all, though you should have ten thousand teachers (guides to direct you) in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers” (1 Corinthians 4:15). There was, and still is, a shortage of fathers. So how can we rectify this deficiency?

Every man should see himself as a “father-figure.” One who is called of God, and equipped by God, to function in a paternal role - displaying a kindness and care associated with a father. He must see himself as a good shepherd, embracing the pastoral role, and becoming someone whose primary concern is for the innocent and vulnerable.

Here are seven things all you men can do to become good role models for those who look up to you:

1. ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE. Don’t expect perfection from those around you. Colossians 3:21, Fathers, don’t make your children resentful, or they will become discouraged.” Acknowledge the imperfections of others, and love them in spite of their imperfections.

2. ENJOY THEM. Consider them all a gift from God. Have fun with them! The quantity of time you spend with them indicates how important they are to you. So don’t give them your leftovers!

3. LISTEN TO THEM AND SHOW CONCERN FOR THEM. Proverbs 1:5, “A wise man will hear and increase in learning.” They need your undivided attention, so be available at all times. And learn to be sensitive!

4. PROVIDE FOR THEM. If they have needs, it is your responsibility to meet those needs wherever possible. 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”

5. TEACH AND TRAIN THEM – Ephesians 6:4, “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Discipline and instruction are necessary but they must always be administered in love. Teach those around you to respect authority. This is done by example.

6. PRAY FOR THEM. Psalm 55:17, “Evening and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud; and He shall hear my voice.” Pray, and step out of the way, and let God do for them what you can’t. After all, He loves them too!

7. PREPARE THEM IN GODLY WISDOM. Proverbs 23:24, “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise son will be glad in him.” Prepare them in such a way that they will act wisely and conduct themselves decently. This will make you proud. Be aware that you must have a Godly influence on the path they take in fulfilling their destiny. Help them to walk in righteousness and not in the counsel of the ungodly.

Chris Demetriou, 17/06/2007