How to be a success in your Relationships

Whether you like it or not, relationships are important to God and to your testimony as a Christian. God values relationships. If you are unable to get on with people, God is unlikely to use you. You must be “user friendly” for God’s Spirit to work through you. Nothing feels better than a good relationship. Nothing hurts worse than a bad one. Satan’s favourite entry into your life is usually through those closest to you. Let’s close the door on him - let’s make our relationships work!

The golden key to success is understanding. Understanding is the ability to interpret or discern a situation or person as God does. You should develop the ability to see people as God sees them. Here are seven keys to a successful relationship:

[1] Recognise the value that God places on relationships. Your destiny is locked up in others and their destiny is locked up in you. God designed it this way because he is not into individualism. We need others and others need us. This is the basis and foundation of all relationships. Relationships are a powerful tool for achieving success in all areas of your life. Do you truly value those people that God has placed around you?

[2] Recognise that satan hates for you to have successful relationships. Successful relationships are a powerful force against all kinds of evil. In a good relationship each party will strengthen the other for God’s purposes; and they will teach each other and direct each other to His glory. This is called partnering for the kingdom. Therefore, if you are seeking first the kingdom, in all your relationships, everything you need will be added. And the devil’s defeat is enforced.

[3] Make church the centre of your activities. Rebuild all your influences and protect yourself from undesirable ones. You limit the threat of bad influences by making church the centre of your activities. Make it the hub of your life. If there has to be any limitations on your activities, don’t let your church life suffer. Rather cut back on outside activities. Let the church leadership become an important sounding board in your personal life. Be under submission, and if possible, find someone to mentor you for a specific role in the church.

[4] Respect the opinions of others and learn to listen. All of us crave respect. We want to feel like we count – that what we say does matter [within the relationship]! You must allow people to express their own opinions, without making them feel inadequate or stupid. Obviously, you cannot follow every piece of advice given, but if you demonstrate that at least you are considering the advice put forward, it will be of tremendous value. Also, remember to respect other people’s time and their privacy. Just because you are in relationship does not give you the right to meddle or demand time or attention.

[5] See the favourable qualities in your friends and loved ones. No one is perfect. We are all still under construction. So stop placing unreasonable or false expectations on your relationships. Take note of the good points that others and your self have discovered concerning a person, and then verbalise it [give them praise]. Learn to celebrate every accomplishment with the people God has placed around you. Tell people that you appreciate them. This will help them to strengthen their strengths. Don’t focus on their weaknesses, this will only serve to undermine them, and in turn strengthen their weaknesses. We are called to build each other up and not tear each other down – so watch your words!

[6] Keep confidences and respect privacy. Many people have learnt to distrust, rather than trust, within a relationship. You have to operate in total integrity if you are to build trust. And betraying each other’s confidence is a disaster. You should never expose another person to any form of embarrassment. Confidentiality is one of the most treasured gifts you can give to one another. To me, discretion is more than just evidence of wisdom, it is proof of love. Remember, you have no right to hang up someone else's dirty washing in public. You wouldn’t like it – would you? We are commanded to love others as we love ourselves.

[7] Never give up on people. Christians often shoot their wounded. But who can cast the first stone? You are born of flesh and still sin, and often with hidden agendas. How can you then give up on a friend in time of need? You must learn to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Forgiving others as Jesus has forgiven you. Loving them and helping to restore them. And don’t keep anyone captive through unforgiveness – set them free to go on with God. When you give up on people God will give up on you! It’s your choice.

Chris Demetriou, 29/01/2006